Editorial

Something that has bothered me since I've been in Southwest Asia is the issue of bootleg movies. Yes, the troops do not have access to the new movies and television shows they want to watch, but that does not give them permission to purchase bootleg copies of the DVDs. Since I'm from Southern California and I do have friends in the entertainment industry, I may be somewhat sensative, but I cannot get over the fact that purchasing bootleg DVDs is stealing.

It seems worse at KAF than it was at Camp Virginia. There is a bazaar at KAF every Saturday. The local merchants sell beautiful rugs, tapestry, wooden chests, jewelry, trinkets and antiques. They also sell "copies" of designer handbags, "reproductions" of expensive watches, and "replicas" of fashionable scarves and pashminas. However, the biggest sellers are the thousands and thousands of DVDs of televison shows, concerts and movies --- all pirated copies. Of course everyone who's ever worked on, been involved with or contributed to these movies and TV shows is stinkin' rich, but that doesn't give us permission to steal their product. I understand that it's more expensive and takes more time to obtain these titles from Amazon, NetFlix or a legitimate distributor; it's a bother to open the security sealed package and a nuisance to watch the trailers and FBI warning. But lack of convenience doesn't give us permission to take what is not ours.

I've been bitching about this situation since I arrived. I've refused to show, buy or watch a pirated movie (altough I did watch one before I knew it was an illegal copy). It seems no one else thinks buying pirated DVDs (purses, watches or scarves) is stealing. I'll no more meddle and judge the issue; this editorial is written and from here on I'll keep my mouth shut.

Stepping down off the soapbox now.

Fine Dining

As previously noted, Kandahar Air Field has six DFacs (dining facilities):

Far East: The closest to our MOD (modular housing unit/home), an easy walk (no streets to cross) and my "go to" DFac when I just need fuel. There's always a long line for the fresh stir fry, with two choices daily (chicken, beef, pork or turkey). Of all the DFacs, this is the one where I most get chased down, chatted up, hit on or asked out (not necessarily a good thing).

Niagra/The American DFac: It's the second closest to our MOD, the biggest and has American food. I like it, but my co-workers are not fond of the ambiance, so I don't go there with them.

Cambridge/The English DFac: There's a sign outside that says "Fine English Cuisine;" I thought that was an oxymoron. (Sorry Jen.) The food is actually not horrible. I don't go to Cambridge too often because there are not a lot of Americans (although there's some darn cute Brits), they have a curry bar so the place smells like curry, and I sometimes don't know what I'm eating. I've had hoke (some kind of fish), courgettes (looks and tastes a lot like zucchini) and numerous other items that I have to see before I'll eat. However, my main complaint is that they don't have water with gas.

Harvest Falcon: The best food, strangest set-up (see pictures) and most challenging. I especially like breakfast because they have turkey or chicken sausage and cereal in boxes. However, before you walk through a big tent to get your food you need to wash your hands using a foot pump. The large fridge in the back has a sign that says "Milk/Non-Fat Milk/Banana Milk/Strawberry Milk/Chocolate Milk," but every time I open it I find that it's filled with lukewarm boxes of low fat milk. After you get your food you need to walk through a semi-covered rock/sand trail to one of four tents to eat. So first you exit the food tent through plastic slats, then walk on the bumpy path and enter another tent through the door and over a threshhold. It took me a few days to figure out that I should take two cups and fill them halfway with coffee instead of filling one cup all the way, so I wouldn't end up with more coffee on my tray than in my cup. Also, the picnic tables we eat on were "custom" built, so sometimes I sit inches from the floor with my arms held high, other times my feet are dangling while the table hits me in the chest and occasionally I have enough space to fit a person or two on my lap. But the food is pretty good.

North Line: The DFac for the flightline. It's about 20-30 minutes away by car, depending on traffic and if we're driving behind someone following the speed limit (20 km/h). It's mostly American food, seems airier than the other DFacs and is open 24/7, serving sandwiches and other cold foods between meal times. We did have difficulty getting in one day. Even though Joan was wearing closed shoes, toe-cleavage was visable through the design and the gate keeper insisted that she get a "take away" box. After intense discussion, the manager finally allowed her to dine with us, but now Joan wears sox when we go to North Line.

Luxembourg/Candadian DFac: My favorite. It's pretty close, the food is good, the hours are great, they have water with gas, I understand most of what's on the menu, usually the air conditioning is working and since Luxembourg is located next to the garrison/command cell, it's the DFac with the most brass and the only place I've seen a two-star general.

There's also a few restaurants, although you never know when they're going to be closed for repairs, out of food, or temporarily shut down due to lack of running water or recent cases of food poisoning. I went to Mama Mia's for a dinner meeting this week. They don't have water. I couldn't get tap water, or bottled water -- still or with bubbles.

Considering the above, one would think I'd be wasted away to nothing. Fat chance!

(LOL) Hahahahahahahah

The CMC (chapel annex) receives all kinds of care packages and donations including cookies, toiletries, candy, books, games, lotions, snacks, etc. I saw a box of approximately 20 tubes of Fixodent, large and travel sizes. Rabbi M. said he thought it was toothpaste. He used it but was disappointed when it didn't foam up. The more he brushed the stickier it got. At least Fixodent is kosher.

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One regular participant in Game Night is our friend Joe (not his real name), a member of the Special Forces from Australia. I think he cheats because when we play Scategories he names all kinds of fruits, games, people and clothes that I've never heard of, but he claims are well-known in Australia. Last week, before we left, I told him, "I hope we see you next week." Here's the rest of the conversation:

Joe: I'll be here unless there's a water fart.
Me: A water fart?
Joe: Yes, for sure I'll see you unless there's a water fart.
Me: A water fart?
Joe: Yes, a water fart.
Me: Huh? Oh! A water fight. You'll be here unless there's a water fight!
Joe: Yes.
Me: What kind of water fight?
Joe: The regular water fight.
Me: Huh?
Joe: (Exasperated.) I may need to do my job.
I'll be at Game Night next week unless there's a war to fight.
Me: Oh. Yeah. A war to fight. Hope to see you next week.
Me: (Exasperated.) Duh.

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We hear the following warning message about four times a day. It's difficult to understand over the "Great Voice," but I'm pretty sure this is what the guy says:

Standby for a message from the JDC [Pronounced Jay Doc; Joint Doctrine Center]:
There will be a contwolled expwosion southwest of KAF in 15 minutes.
I wepeat.
There will be a contwolled expwosion southwest of KAF in 15 minutes.
End of message.
End of blow job.*

3-5 minutes later: KA-BLAM!!!

*Weeks later I found out from some guys while waiting in the bunker that it says, "End of broadcast." I like my way better.

The Ballad of Balad

My new favorite Toby Keith song:

Well I quit school in the tenth grade and I grew out my hair.
I got me a job doin' lawn mower repair.
I met an army recruiter down at the Winn-Dixie.
He said son you've no future, pack up and go with me.

Well the first place we landed was a base called Balad.
They convoyed our asses to a 10 acre FOB.
With my boots and my cover and an old M-16,
two bottles of water and a cold MRE.

(Chorus)
Oh, you meet lots of new friends and you're sure to get paid.
We'll show you the world and we'll teach you a trade.
It's not a job, it's an adventure. Oh yes sir I got that.
Oh but you never told me I'd get my ass shot at.
You never told me I'd get my ass shot at.

The first night in combat we went on patrol.
They ambushed our convoy and we chased the assholes.
We found them all hidin' in the water ditches.
And we took aim and killed all them son of a bitches.

(Chorus)
Oh, you meet lots of new friends and you're sure to get paid.
We'll show you the world and we'll teach you a trade.
It's not a job, it's an adventure, Oh yes sir I got that,
Oh but you never told me I'd get my ass shot at.
You never told me I'd get my ass shot at.

Walked in on my buddy with a female MP.
Ugliest woman that you've ever seen.
He said why are you laughin', you've got lots of nerve.
Over here in the desert, we grade on the curve.

(Chorus)
Oh, you meet lots of new friends and you're sure to get paid.
We'll show you the world and we'll teach you a trade.
It's not a job, it's an adventure, Oh yes sir I got that,
Oh but you never told me I'd get my ass shot at.
You never told me I'd get my ass shot at.

TOBY!!!!!

What's Wrong with this Picture?*

The USO recently brought coffee, doughnuts and muffins for a Unit Appreciation Event at the Medivac compound. I could hear again and again, "Thank you for everything you do.", "We really appreciate your service.", "We are so grateful you're here.", "This is just wonderful." That was what the TROOPS WERE SAYING TO THE USO!! I told one soldier she had it backwards. The USO and the American people are most grateful. I continue to be flabbergasted at the humility of our armed forces. We are so blessed!

*There's nothing wrong with the pictures.

USO at KAF

The USO tent at Kandahar Air Field will soon be up and running. The tent was almost fully constructed but then obliterated in the Great/Stinky Flood of February 2010. We've moved to a much better location but since we need to construct a brand new tent our opening is delayed from mid-April to (hopefully) mid-July. In the meantime we are hosting Unit Appreciation Events (UAEs) where we bring pizza, doughnuts, muffins, bagels, coffee etc. so that we can introduce ourselves and the USO. We also have United Through Reading at three locations every week, movie nights once per week, game nights, and other events.

There is one "USO in a Box" adjacent to previous tent location. USO in a Box is a small trailer with two phones, two computers with Internet, one working X-box and a two-seat theater.

There are four Duty Managers (Leslie, Erin, Joan and me) and one Center Manager (Larry). Leslie, Joan, Erin and Larry all worked together at Camp Buehring in Kuwait. I'm learning their routines and becoming familiar with their approach.

Heroes Among Us

I was facilitating United Through Reading at the Armed Forces Network offices when a young Army Captain came in to read to his four daughters. (He looked 26, but said he was 32.) He had a German last name, so we were comparing length (his is only 11 letters), discussing his family's story in America, my planned trip to Germany, etc. As we chatted a little more I found that he is actually a Combat Surgeon. While he was reading behind closed doors, the Air Force NCO helping me said that the young Captain was part of a story AFN had aired recently that showed him performing surgery while on a helicopter, trying to save the leg of a critically injured soldier during an evacuation from the field. Ultimately the soldier's life was saved, but his leg was not.

When the Captain was done reading we spoke more about the effects that such a grave injury would have on the soldier, his family and his life. The Captain said over and over how indebted he was to our soldiers, how much he admired them and how they are giving up so much. He didn't seem to realize that taking a helicopter into hostile territory and putting his life on the line to rescue his comrades was courageous on his part.

-o0o-

While I was getting set up there were some guys laying carpet tiles. It turned out that they had to trim one of the tiles about 1/4" to fit. How many armed forces does it take to trim one carpet tile? Three Marine enlisted with scissors, two Army officers using a knife and one Air Force NCO to supervise. At least the carpet fits flat.

-o0o-

We had three (3) rocket attacks within a 24-hour period. It gets boring and stuffy hanging out in the bunkers.

-o0o-

I love my job.

First Impressions (Probably TMI)

Kandahar Air Field (KAF) in Afghanistan is very different from Camp Virginia (CV) in Kuwait. There are approximately ten times more inhabitants at KAF. While the military made up 80-90% of the population at CV, it appears that 40% of the population at KAF is contractors, DOD civilians or TCNs. CV had one DFac and one PX; there are 8-10 DFacs and 6-8 PXes at KAF. At CV I had a room to myself. Here I’m in a MOD (modular housing unit?) that I’m sharing with three other Duty Managers (although one is on vacation), with probably two more arriving soon. Fortunately the toilets and showers are 35 steps down the hall instead of 128 steps outside, across the street, through the alleyway, way over there.

At KAF there are (coalition) International Security Assistance Forces consisting of US Marines, Army, Navy and Air Force along with military from Canada, Great Brittan, Romania, the Netherlands, France and Australia, among others. All forces wear the ISAF patch. I thought I saw some pudgy Marines, but they turned out to be Army from another country (that I will not name) with BDUs similar to the US Marines. At dinner one night we saw some French soldiers. Their uniforms are tighter than those of the US and the shirts (at least for summer) have short sleeves. After seeing their hunky military I’m rethinking my opinion of the French.

Near the PAX terminal are numerous airplanes, helicopters and other intriguing contraptions. (These pictures are from the Internet since we can’t take pictures of the aircraft or the airfield at KAF.) As we passed over the airstrip on the way to dinner the first night, just one hundred yards away I saw/heard/felt a rocket take off. I found out later that it was an F16. I’ve seen/heard/felt it quite a few times since. Each time it’s a spectacular, pride- and goose bumps-creating event. Since I grew up in the flight path of LAX and live close to the engine testing of Boeing and the take-off corridor of LGB, it’s nice to reacquaint myself with the sounds of the jets, planes, helicopters and everything else that flies.

At the center of the base is the world-famous boardwalk. This is a large square area surrounded by shops, restaurants and services (embroidery, barber, laundry, etc.) adjacent to a wooden promenade. Unfortunately, and as you may know, a lot of the fun places (Pizza Hut, Burger King, Subway) are now closed in compliance with orders from General McChrystal. The center of the boardwalk is a large dirt area with basketball and volleyball courts, a hockey rink (with a giant red maple leaf) and football/soccer field.

Just down from the boardwalk is the equally world-famous (infamous?) Poo-Pond, a lovely lagoon surrounded by rocks, sand, caution and bio-hazard signs. There are picturesque fountains throughout the lake, spewing aromatic water into the atmosphere 24/7, ensuring that no one on base is robbed of this charming bouquet.

At KAF there’s not much lighting, so it’s pretty dark at night. The USO has two old cars, with the steering wheels on the right. We went to TGIFriday’s for dinner one evening. Before ordering it's always necessary to ask what they didn’t have since it’s so difficult to get supplies here. The day we went they didn’t have any salads or hamburgers. Even though the DFacs are open until 0900(!), I’ve been missing breakfast and a lot of other meals. Consequently I’ve been existing on Green Beans’ triple espresso Chai latte over ice and Nacho Slim Jims. Not healthy by anyone’s standards.

There's traffic here; traffic jams and horns honking. Oh yeah, and my blog Dashboard that used to come up in Arabic is now appearing in Chinese. Makes perfect sense to me.

Flying Incognito

Joan and my journey from KWI to KAF (Kandahar Air Field) was uneventful, albeit a bit unusual. Our flight was not listed on the Departures board at the airport. There was no indication of our destination at the gate and no announcements that our flight was leaving. When we passed through to board, the ticket agent asked the destination of each passenger. The airplane was plain white with no identifying markings. There were three delightful flight attendants who I’m guessing were from Spain since they spoke Spanish to each other. They passed out snacks and soft drinks on the first leg and they served a meal on the second leg, but there was no movie or music. Our flight took from 0800 until 1500 because we stopped to refuel in Dubai and mostly because we couldn't fly direct because that would take us over Iran and there's no going through Iranian air space. We landed at PAX terminal at KAF and went easily through security with our CACs. Thereafter Larry (Center Manager) and Erin (fellow Duty Manager) picked us up and took us to our rooms so we could begin our Afghanistan Adventure.