He's Getting His

A couple of months ago I went to do something at Command Cell. I don't remember what it was or what happened, but my reaction was that I said, "s--t" under my breath. SSG J, who was sitting in his office, heard me and scolded, "Hey! We don't use that language here." The 2-3 people in the office eyed me with pity. I felt horrible and humiliated and continued to feel bad for the next 3 days.

Thereafter, every time I went to Command Cell I looked to see if SSG J was there. If he was, I kept a low profile and tried not to say anything at all. I didn't want to disgrace myself again.

The other night I was sitting with Lynn and David at dinner. Lynn said she was going to write an irreverent text message to SSG J. "Isn't he the one at Command?" I asked. We figured out it was the same guy, so I told Lynn and David the story about my bad word. They almost fell off their chairs laughing. "He cusses all of the time" Lynn told me. "He was kidding." David said. "He just has a really dry sense of humor. It's difficult to tell when he's joking." They thought my story was hilarious.

I, however, did not think it was that darned funny. I planned revenge.

Every day I've been leaving an envelope in SSG J's drawer. He's asked his staff about it and expressed his bewilderment. At least 10 people have seen me leave the envelope, but so far no one has told him who's bringing the "gifts."

He's received:
One AAA battery
2 pieces of gum
Packets of salt, pepper, sugar and creamer
A key
A Navy patch
One 10-cent pog
The front page of Stars & Stripes
Label from a water bottle
Napkin from Subway
A quarter
3 Rubberbands
Chrystal Lite drink mix

About a week ago SSGT J came into the USO to hang out with Lynn. They were sitting in the office, chatting away, when I sat down to use the computer. As soon as I joined in the conversation Lynn had to leave; it was impossible for her to keep a straight face.

A couple of days after that I was eating with Lynn in the DFac (she calls it the DFat) when SSG J sat down with us. There was far too much giggling, but Lynn and I managed to not spill any beans.

UPDATE: Well darnit. I turned myself in two days ago. SSG J didn't continue to be sufficiently disturbed and finding little things that fit into a small envelope got boring for me. OK, Curtis; you win.