Where is Sigmund Freud When We Need Him?

I've tried for days to not write about one of the TC4ME Marines I'll call "Bear" (not his real name), but what I see and what I hear just doesn’t compute and I feel compelled to post.

When I first met Bear I thought to myself "What is that skinny kid doing in the Marines?" I interacted a little with him at the bar-b-que back in May, but I didn't really talk to him much until about three weeks ago when he started coming in to the USO on a regular basis. Bear has one of the most distorted self images of anyone I know.

He thinks he's fat. When he comes into the USO he tells me "The Fat Guy is here." The kid wears 30"x32" jeans, although he told me this morning that the 30" jeans are pretty baggy. He’s about 5'9", and depending on what day of the week it is, between 125-130 pounds. He tells me, “I know it's hard to believe they stack sh-- that high." I put out some M&Ms the other day. Most of the troops will take a handful or even put some in a cup to eat. Bear really likes M&Ms, so he gingerly took two from the edge of the pile. He didn't want to eat too many and gain more weight.

Bear describes himself as "Trouble" or "The Troublemaker," but he is one of the sweetest young men I’ve ever met. He’s always gentle and helpful with the troops and the staff at the USO, even when we're busy and everyone is impatient. Unlike many of his cronies, at age 22 he has managed to not father a child and has never had a DUI. Even though Bear says he's “good at pushing buttons and messing with people's heads,” he’s insightful, amusing and relaxed with his friends. When I speculate on his sardonic attitude, he says, “It's my life."

Bear constantly describes himself as stupid, yet I observe that he is articulate, clever and smart, with a keen sense of humor. He calls the computer "that evil box," but he is more proficient and accurate than some of the Duty Managers. He points out time and again that he is ugly, but in person and photographs he is adorable.

Bear and I tried an experiment to see if he could go 24 hours without saying anything negative about himself. He claimed he would have absolutely nothing to say. I told him that would be fine; that he should just try to go one day without saying anything bad about himself. He's tried it two times so far but says he doesn't know if he made it all the way through the 2nd time.

The reality is that Bear is a marvelous guy. He’s likeable, generous and kind; he’s funny and fun to be around. We just need to find this boy a new perspective.